Somehow I could never quite get used to the idea of losing people forever. I am a sucker at giving up on people. Though in a general parlance, I would be termed as an emotional fool, I would be that, reluctantly so. I can never construe something to be the end all of everything. Be it moving out of a city, leaving a place or having a huge conflict with someone. I am insanely hopeful about a happy ending. You may say I’m obsessed with happy endings. I can’t bear to be on the receiving end of all that pain of separation and all the missing that happens afterward. It has always been simple for me. Stay in touch. Now and then, here and there. Don’t cut it off just because it is convenient or we cannot meet frequently. Being such a person that I am, I also take good offence when people cut me off. It just makes me feel that all the good time we spent, the other person was in it because it was convenient for him / her. It appears to me an insult of all those moments of genuine cry of laughter we had shared. You know when you pass a smile to a person whom you have to face every day? That awkward smile to that awkward neighbor, that formal how’re you to your colleague at office. It does not mean anything. It is not the real deal. But I would still give the other person the benefit of doubt and continue to do so, sometimes more than I should. I would give anyone as many chances as I would give myself, sometimes even more. All because I refuse to live with a dark memory. Something that ended badly. Something which feels like a waste of time now. I refuse to have those doors locked forever. I refuse to look back with remorse or self-doubt. I give my heart to people, I do. And I refuse to believe they had the audacity to play with it. So I would let them have that privilege of enjoying a leverage on me, because I would rather lose the conflict, than lose the person.
Being the hopelessly optimistic person I am, it doesn’t always end well. Nobody is perfect, and people slip up often. Sometimes, the doors which I wait for never open, because the people behind them have walked away, long ago. So when I know for sure, I would lock those doors myself and hope to live with them. Sometimes, you have to accept that some stories will never get closure. You have to learn your lessons and live with them. You have to learn that not everyone deserves your love, and not everyone is worth fighting for. It is not a great feeling, but it is what it is.