It is yet again another new beginning this 2017. For those of you who read my blog religiously, you’d know that I posted Visions for 2016 in my first post for the year. I wrote about the three things I want to do in 2016, three major things:
- Chop my hair
- Take up a job I love
- A month long vacation
While the first two things are pretty much accomplished, the third thing on the list is set to be carried forward, all thanks to my fragile health in the last part of this year. Today, in this post I’ll write about all the things which I did / didn’t do to accomplish my 2016 resolutions.
So when I wrote about my resolution to chop my hair, and mind you they were pretty long and beautiful (as people around would tell me), I got huge fire from everyone. Friends of mine called me up to fire me on the phone about how I MUST NEVER do it. I had expected the kind of reaction, but truly in my heart I just knew that was the one thing I really wanted and I will do. And so I did, but long after countless failed attempts to try and cut my hair and long after going to the salon and returning, terrified of cutting my hair and hence not doing it and long after I had somehow decided I can’t do it. But when I actually did it, it was not because of a 2016 resolution I took; it was because how much I needed to make the change. Chopping off my bangs had a “strategic importance”. October 25th, the day my CA studies got officially over and my office got officially over and I knew life is changed forever. It will never be the same, I will never be a CA Student no more, an articled assistant no more. I will be what-the-hell-ever I do in life. And that was when I decided to make some major changes in life. The next day I was in the salon, very much willing to garner a new look and soul-crushingly terrified of the anticipated outcome and popular reaction. But what the hell! I did it and people loved it. More than people, I loved myself more. It was not just about getting a new look; it was about feeling strong as I began a new chapter. It was about telling myself that if I want something, I can do it. It was about strengthening that tiny faith you have in yourself when faith in self is all you’ve got. It meant so much to me, to be able to do what my heart desired. It was freedom in the truest sense.
Now when I wrote about my second resolution of taking up a job I love, I really didn’t know what job I would “love”. Today, I stand at Jan the 4th of 2017 and after one year I have reached on the conclusion that the jobs I will “love” will change every few months. I’m a hopper, an experimenter, a creator. I hop from one thing to another every few weeks and new things keep catching my fancy frequently. So when I sat in this posh office for a job interview in a room with the spectacular view many people crave, I felt a strong tussle in my heart. It was like the two alter egos of mine where stretching me in two opposite directions where one said “I must take up this job as it is “the socially appropriate” thing to do” and the other said, “Aayushi, you don’t belong here!” What a shame, I thought. My mom tells me you’ve got this degree people work years for at the first stroke, so you don’t value it. I don’t really believe it’s true. For all it matters, I know in my heart that I worked hard for it. I did what it took to get there and when I got there, I earned it. But now, as they say “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, I don’t feel stronger. Sometimes the things that try to kill you make you sad and angry and lonely. When I got done with my degree, I was left with a sense of confinement I couldn’t bear to carry. I now was in a place where I had to take up a job which would block all my time that I could otherwise use to do something I really loved. That fear of being 22 and being sad in life drove me far away from the job front and I decided I need to take a break and do something for myself. After two months of trying to convince myself and accept the tough decision of not following the commonly paved path, I launched Daysways, an online store with my friend Himani. Daysways helped me get out of the guilt of not doing anything significant with my life post my degree and it began keeping me busy with the things I liked to do. It has only been a week post the launch of Daysways and I think I’m going to take this somewhere. This is the second thing that is going to stay consistent with me after this blog Banjara. Now even if I change my mind someday and take up an office job, I’d know in my heart that I made something all by myself and that’s always going to be a great kick!
As far as the month long vacation was concerned, I couldn’t do it. I had planned on slipping away in December, but I fell sick and it just couldn’t happen. I have carried it forward to this year and have already planned a trip in January 2017.
So overall, 66.67% success rate in fulfilling New Year’s Resolutions is a decent start. I feel pumped up for 2017. So much that I’m going to post another post for my 2017 resolutions.
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